I wanna break apart my heart
Glue the pieces to my car
Crash it into a wall
I don’t want to feel at all
I want to break apart my heart
Within moments I was emotionally invested. The type of music that doesn’t pull punches with how you feel. As an emotional twenty-year-old trying to make sense of the confusing trail that lay in front of me, Can’t Maintain acted less like a guiding spirit, but more so; a warm ghost holding me tightly. Before there was Radiohead, Death Grips, My Bloody Valentine, Jeff Rosenstock, and many more, there was Andrew Jackson Jihad.
And if you think you are better than me
You’re right
There’s no one to love
There’s no one to trust
In my life
My meager attempts at playing guitar started with this record. The song Sense, Sensibility, quickie became a top played song of mine. It was just one of the simple four-chord songs I tried to learn from their catalogue. That along with tablature I used from the internet, I sat in my room, feeling like a rockstar.
And people freak me out
People make me scared
People make me so damn self-aware
After hearing the bands early music at work, I quickly placed their name in the search engine and was gifted with silly lyric videos, ones with just the album cover, and some live performances. I saw the two guys who had been making the sounds that would continue ringing in my ears. One on guitar, one on upright bass, it was cool, different, a far cry from all the flashy looks of bands I worked alongside or listened to. The music was simple, but in that simplicity came earnest emotions. All this came from an old Youtube channel called Pink Couch Sessions and the band playing Sense,Sensibility
And I’m a liar and I am a thief
Taking things from those better than me
Pathetic little man with some pathetic little dream
I hope you all can forgive me
MY first time seeing them live was playing on a bill opening for Frank Turner (my friends favorite artist) and with Into it over it. I immediately headed for the merchandise stand to snag their record. In my haste I did not know which one contained Sense, Sensibility, so I politely asked the gentleman handling the goods. He handed me the grail, and then I made an important realization, This guy was Ben the bassit! I didn’t know how to ask for a signature, but simply said “could you sign this for me?” He obliged and drew a little picture to coincide with a moment this young man wouldn’t forget. Afterwards I saw Sean at the table. With my record in hand I asked for his signature. He obliged in a similar manner. I now held in my hand what still is my personal favorite record by Andrew Jackson Jihad signed by the main creative forces. It was momentous and insane to think about.
And I will always appreciate bad days like this
Because they grant me a point of reference in regards to my happiness
It’s hard to decide on my favorite lyrical passage within the record. It’s filled with so many classic lines, and while I’d like to share them all here, I implore you to give a listen and discover them for yourself (minus the few littered here).
So you’ll go upward and I’ll go down
You’ll go upward and I’ll go down
You’ll go upward and I’ll go down
I’ll see you in Hell when we die
The record recently celebrated its tenth birthday last year, and with that came a picture disc vinyl. I eagerly snagged it, especially since having this album be in my rotation for the last nine years.
Love what you can
Love what you can
Til it dies
Then let it lie
Let it fly
Away
This isn’t a review of the record, it’s a reflection on a period in my life where this record was vitally important to me. I started playing my guitar more, I looked at my mental instability in a different way, and had my fleeting dream of live performing born. In all the anxiety drenched music came a newfound confidence in myself.
He had a white face
He had black eyes
He had burns all over his body
And he was right
RuminationsForMiles 